Motherhood, insanity and everyday life.

Friday, October 12, 2007

Mammos and Martinis Anyone?

It’s National Breast Cancer Awareness Month and with apologies to my husband, I’m about ready to cut mine off - my “girls” as I like to call them. I have stressed and worried and had them squashed between plastic grids one too many times. I’m done.

I had a re-check mammogram today. There was a “questionable area” 6 months ago when I had my annual mammogram and they gave me a tentative all-clear and said to come back in six months to check “righty.” Today was the day. I loathe this day. Most women can go to their mammos with smiles on their faces and maybe frown a bit at the discomfort and inconvenience. Me? I figure it’s another spin on the breast cancer roulette wheel.

My aunt died of breast cancer. My mother developed pre-cancerous cells when she was over 65, which somehow isn’t too much of a concern. Still, it means I have HISTORY and therefore must be careful. And I am. I go every single year without fail since I was 35 years old.

And every single year, without fail, I sit in those pretty pink rooms with the nice technicians that grab and smash me into that machine and I worry. I figure my time is up. I pray…a lot. I think about making deals with God, but then I think about all of the people that I know that need prayers more than me and then I feel guilty about praying. See how nuts I get?

Honestly, the girls haven’t been that fun lately. I constantly need to keep them in place and running up and down the stairs, now there’s an instant lesson on gravity and physics. I breast-fed exactly one child and I was certainly no poster child for the La Leche League. Me and the girls, well, we have a strained relationship, to say the least.

On the other hand, I know how incredibly blessed and fortunate I am. I think about the women that have had mastectomies and dealt with the ravages of cancer and again – the guilt. I have nothing to complain about…except my annual carnival of worry.

So, OK, fine. I won’t cut the girls out of my life. But I’d be ever so happy if somehow they made the mammos a little less stressful. Perhaps a martini bar in those cute little pink rooms?


At 6:16 PM , Blogger kenju said...

I think that's a *smashing* idea!!

At 2:08 PM , Blogger Sara said...

Hello, Michele sent me...And, I so enjoyed your post on Mammos that I went on to read four posts.

Let's just say, I'd love a martini bar...I go through the same emotions that you do whenever I have to have a mammo...

Have a great week-end...

At 3:32 PM , Blogger kenju said...

I hope that you know when I said a smashing idea, I meant the martini bar.....LOL

I don't worry too much about a mammorgram, even though I had 2 tumors removed many years ago (benign). I hope that you never have to face breast cancer, Karen. Michele said so too.

At 8:24 AM , Blogger utenzi said...

I must admit to being a "girls" addict but I can see how they're potential time bombs for women with a bad genetic history, Karen. The time is close when you'll be able to get genetic screening that'll help you make that "cut or not" decision with greater dependability. Just this past week I did some microarray on some patients that really illustrated well their at-risk qualities. We just need to keep at this a few more years so we'll know more of the genetic markers and SNPs.


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