Motherhood, insanity and everyday life.

Thursday, October 04, 2007

Getting My Granny Panties in a Bundle

The other day, I went to lunch with a group of friends and they gave me a birthday present. A thong. Actually, EIGHT thongs. It was and is a joke. Since I’m older than them, I’m sure the idea of me and these thongs was hilarious…and a little icky. But I have to admit, it’s pretty funny.

After we all stopped laughing, several of the women extolled the virtues of thongs and how great they are. Sorry, I’m not buying it.

The concept of me associated with a thong seems awkward to say the least. I grew up in the generation that thought of thongs as something you wore on your feet – i.e. flip flops. Back then, we had two kinds of women’s underwear – bikini and giant granny panties. I am so much more comfortable with the latter. The more coverage the better.

I’m all about comfort. I generally wear somewhat loose-fitting clothing. I like my pants to cover my butt, my “girls” under wraps and my necklines modest. If a shirt is tight, I feel self-conscious. I’m not hideous, but I won’t be mistaken for a swimsuit model in the near future and that’s OK.

When I see boys walking around with their shorts hanging down to their knees, I really want to yell: “Pull up your pants!” To me, clothes are either on or off, which is why the idea of wearing a thong is so incredibly foreign to me. Won’t it get stuck in places where you’ll end up tugging it out? Thongs are so small, what really is the point of wearing anything? To me, the phrase “comfortable thong” is an oxymoron.

They say that with age comes wisdom. I say with children goes your body. Unless you’re Angelina Jolie, Kate Hudson or Katie Holmes and have a personal trainer on retainer, your body will never be the same after you have kids. And I sort of think it shouldn’t be. To me, it’s kind of a badge of honor. Our hips widen, thereby giving our children a firmer foundation upon which to hang themselves when they are still carry-able. You think Angelina’s carrying those kids when the paparazzi are gone? Not with that bony ass!

And so I’m looking for creative uses for eight teeny tiny thongs. Here’s a thought: I’ll bet Martha Stewart picked up a few ideas in the slammer! Oh Martha…….!


At 8:45 PM , Blogger kenju said...

LOL! I wish I was creative enough to come up with uses for all eight of them!

I agree with your assessment of them, and I cannot imagine how they can be comfortable at all!

At 4:17 AM , Blogger Star said...

With you all the way on this one.Since they were a gift are you going to try it just once?

At 12:22 PM , Anonymous Becky68 said...

Michele sent me to check out your new panties- The point escapes me too. I'm a larger lady & can not see the point in the least of a little piece of cloth which could get stuck any time- I'm very glad the fashion of showing them in the back above the jeans has dropped off somewhat- my 17 year old isn't much smaller than I am & would try to pull that off- ick!

At 1:39 PM , Blogger Fianna said...

I am a thong wearer, yes I admit it.

They are comfortable. My complaint about full coverage drawers, is that my full size rump makes them disappear so I am always having to pull them out. Why not start with a thong and then you have no worries about losing them in the nethers, they are already stuck there!

They are comfortable to me!

Anyhoo, Michele requested that I tell you what kind of undies I have on. Oops!

At 2:01 PM , Blogger Carmi said...

I remember wedgies all too well from high school. It's beyond me why anyone would deliberately subject herself to an all-day wedgie. As a guy, they do nothing for me - visually, that is.

If you have a clothesline, hang 'em on it and revel in the reactions of your neighbors.

Popped by from Michele's on this lovely summer-like afternoon. Hope you're having a great end-of-week, Karen.

At 7:46 AM , Blogger rashbre said...

I'm sure there's some enterprising ways to advertise their presence without wearing them. Could be great fun to see reactions.

Here today via Michele's and saying "Hello".


At 3:15 PM , Blogger Em said...

Leave one laying around on the couch. Anytime someone comes by to visit, you can casually pick it up while commenting "oops, guess I missed that one when I was folding the laundry". It will keep them guessing what you have on underneath! LOL


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