Facing the Change

I’m kind of relieved. I thought it was me. And per usual, I took a side trip down Worst Case Scenario Road. Turns out, I’m not the only one. I’m also not the worst person in the world, nor am I insane, nor am I going to forget where I live in the near future. The answer, my friends, is perimenopause.

Look, I’m only on the cusp of 48. I think I’m pretty young, very healthy and fairly fit. Thanks to an addiction to tennis, I exercise regularly. But there was no denying that something was up. The times, and my body, were a-changing.

I’ll spare you the gory details, but suffice it to say that until I read this article in More Magazine, I had visions of a bleak future. One where family holidays would consist of me sitting in a room alone and my kids and husband in another room, having this discussion:

“I have no idea what she’s talking about, but I think it has to do with 8th grade.”

“Yeah, well, she called me by your name today. We’re not even the same sex!”

“You think that’s bad? I forgot to rinse my dishes this morning and you’d think I’d thrown away her new People Magazine.”

“Yeah, well it doesn’t matter what you say to her, she can’t hear it and she’ll never remember it. She’s turned into a human black hole.”

Ugh, you get the picture. Memory loss, irritability and a whole host of unpleasant odds and ends are making day to day life with me rather, um, challenging. According to the article, there’s a light at the end of the tunnel. A journey, which I’ve only just embarked upon.

Wish me, and more importantly, my family, the best of luck. We’re going to need it.

Junk Drawer

One of the reasons I wrote this blog is to, once in a while, strike a chord with other women. Perhaps say something that they had long been thinking but couldn’t quite put into words. Sometimes, I can do it. Other times, well, it’s not for lack of trying.

So I’m going out on a limb. I’m sharing with you one of my deeply rooted embarrassments. There it is.

That, my friends, is the family junk drawer. Do you have one? Seems like most people do. At least they say they do, but who knows. Sometimes thin people say: “Oh, I ate like a pig last night,” really having no idea what that means.

Last night my daughter had an impromptu party. It wasn’t a big deal, but suffice it to say that I had high school juniors wandering around my house a bit. At one point, for some reason, they needed some string. “Sure,” I said. And I opened the junk drawer. My daughter’s friend was nearby. The minute I opened it, I regretted it.

For some reason, I was feeling all house-warm-ey and open and, you know, ”mi casa es su casa.” But really. There’s no way anybody’s going in that drawer. Until last night. When I opened it and looked for string…in front of another human. Gulp.

Here’s a random list of just a few of the items you’ll find in my junk drawer:

Deck of cards
Flashlight
Allen wrench
Two calculators
Hands-free earpiece for telephone
Wrist rest for computer
Rosary (I’ll probably go to hell for that)
Phone jack cord
Rope (not string)
Expired Pizza Hut coupons
Church contribution envelopes
At least 4 pads of paper
More return address labels than I will ever need in my lifetime
Half-empty packet of purse Kleenex

Needless to say, if I lost it in a flood, none of this would even be missed for a nanosecond. It’s one of those great, black holes, where things in my kitchen that don’t belong anywhere, go forever. You know, the keychain that somebody won. I throw it in the drawer where it will languish for years.

So, why don’t I just clean it out? Because, honestly, if I said that I cleaned out the junk drawer, it would take me an hour or two, but I wouldn’t feel any more productive than before I did it. It’s a mild annoyance – like a mosquito bite on your finger.

What about you? Do you have a junk drawer? Why? Do you ever clean it? Why not? Seriously, I think we’ll all feel better if we open up about this. Oh, ok, fine. I’ll feel better if you open up about this.