The Parents Guide to TheirSpace, TheirBook, TheirCell, TheirIM, TheirPod...TheirWorld

One of the biggest challenges of parenting teens and pre-teens today is keeping up with the blitz of technology that engulfs many of our kids. It’s not so much a rising tide of new gadgets as it is a tidal wave of social overload. For those of us over the age of, um...19, it can be scary.

Well, I’m here to try and calm your fears and tell you that I’ve been to the other side, have returned safely and honey, the kids are alright. Yes, I fully acknowledge the inherent dangers in an internet lurking with predators and the ability of today’s kids to completely lose focus when digital information is flying around. But I think like any generation, our kids are simply finding their voice, even if it has no verbs and is completely abbreviated and filled with emoticons.

MySpace is one of the most popular destinations on the internet. In fact, it’s third, trailing only the popular search engines Yahoo and Google. Based on news reports, many parents have the idea that MySpace is a virtual candy store of pedophiles waiting to pounce on our children. Sure, dangers are there, just as they are out in the real world. However, there’s probably more danger in problems such as what fellow blogger Maryanne describes. Kids are not accustomed to the power of passive communication and how innocent comments can easily hurt.

On the positive side, some of the kids’ MySpace pages are, well, adorable. Their MySpace pages are the way that they express themselves to the world, even when, sometimes, the world doesn’t want to listen. For kids that are shy and soft-spoken, they finally have a venue through which they can showcase their personalities. On each MySpace page, they choose blinding backgrounds, hip music and surround it with lists of favorite movies, TV shows, music and long missives about anything they feel like saying. Along with all of this is the ability of kids from other MySpace pages to comment and then become a “friend.” Tom, one of the guys that founded MySpace, is on everyone’s friend’s list (don’t worry, he’s safe and doesn’t leave comments), along with 80-90 of the kids’ BFF (best friends forever). And here’s a typical comment on a MySpace page: “Hey yooooooooooo grrrl?? Wasssssssuuuuuuuuuuuupppppppppppp?!! I luv ur new background!!! It’s so hottttttttttt! Call me 2nite!!!!!!!!!!” Dangerous? Probably not. Waste of time? Definitely.

Facebook is another similar site that is restricted to high school and college kids. You MUST have a school e-mail address in order to register, but most schools absolutely forbid access to this site or MySpace so warn your kids ahead of time to save it for home. Facebook is a little less free-form than MySpace but gives kids an opportunity to check up on old friends and see what they’re up to. If you want to start a virtual conversation with someone, you “poke” them, which is apparently one of the more annoying things to do and can be ignored. Most kids just look at each others’ pages, join a group (there are millions) and surf through this mini-community. My son and his friends have used it to find old grade school and day care friends and perhaps reconnect. There are lots of instances of kids being “stalked” on Facebook because your identity is not hidden, but there are privacy controls that give kids the power to ignore the “stalkers.”

If the internet is the Information Superhighway, AIM (AOL Instant Messenger) is the Express Lane. AIM allows kids to create a screen name and instant message each other, ad nauseam. What’s crazy about AIM is that kids carry on conversations (albeit incomprehensible, abbreviated conversations with lots of exclamation points!!!) with 4, 5 or 6 kids at once. In our household, I quickly learned that AIM had to be turned off while homework was being done on the computer. I almost worry more about AIM than MySpace or Facebook because it is such a powerfully addictive form of communication. I’ve even watched my own children go the computer to instant message their friends instead of calling them to ask a question. This is fine, in the sense that our phone lines are free, but a little unnerving when you are trying to teach your kids to improve their face-to-face communication skills. My advice: try and limit kids’ time on AIM. It’s a time-waster of major proportions. On the plus side, my son in college can easily keep in touch with his friends across the country without having a gigantic long-distance bill.

Cell phones are here to stay, folks. For many of us, they’re security blankets between us and our kids. When our kids are out with friends, we can actually find them before panicking and alerting the police...that is if they answer our call. They’re really a false sense of security and another potential time-waster. Most kids’ cell phones have text messaging capability giving them another opportunity to share useless information at all hours. If your kid has a cell phone with texting, watch your monthly bill very carefully lest it spin wildly out of control. Oh yeah, and teach your kid how to charge his/her cell phone. Murphy’s Law says that their battery will run out when you need to find them the most. One more thing: Teach your kids cell phone etiquette. Limit your calls in public and while driving and don’t talk on your cell phone when you’re with other people.

iPods and iTunes have taken our kids hostage, much like FM radio did to us in the 70s. Our kids love their ‘Pods and especially love that they can go on iTunes and buy the latest hit song for just 99 cents. Not to sound older than the hills, but this is so much like my teen years when we’d head to the music store to buy a 45 rpm record so that we can play it over and over again. I have no problem with iPods and iTunes, unless you’re talking about hearing damage. Without sounding alarmist, we’re going to have a generation of kids with serious hearing loss if they’re not careful about the volume blasting through their little white ear buds.

In short, we shouldn’t be surprised at how technology has taken ahold of our kids. We knew it was coming. Now our choice is to fight it, or simply sit down with them and try to understand it. If you choose the latter, be patient and don’t be quick to criticize or you’ll be shut out of a huge part of their world. Ask your kid to see their MySpace or Facebook page or to show you what Instant Messaging is all about and do talk to them about the dangers lurking out there in the virtual world. You might be surprised and enlightened in many ways and open up a healthy line of communication between you and your child.