A Method to My Madness

My flaws as a parent and a homemaker are many, but perhaps it’s not just me being human. Maybe there’s a hidden agenda...

My house would be cleaner, but I wouldn’t want anybody to think that I’m obsessive-compulsive.

I’d be more consistent in the discipline of my children, but I like to make use of the element of surprise.

I’d be a much better cook, but then I’d have people bugging me all the time for recipes.

I’d shop less, but who then would support the local economy?

I’d exercise more, but I don’t think my kids can afford to support me that long in my old age.

I’d be less crabby, but then where would my kids learn skills to deal with difficult people when they enter the workforce?

I’d volunteer more, but I wouldn’t want to take away the purpose of the hyper-involved moms.

I’d get to know my kids’ teachers better, but then I’d just be all depressed at the end of the school year.

I’d help my kids with their homework more often, but then they wouldn’t have that feeling of superiority when they haul out their geometry books.

I’d watch less TV, but then I wouldn’t understand the crap that that kids watch today.

I’d read more classic books, but then my kids would get tired of me going on and on about how great Dickens and Austen are.

I’d organize the family photos, but then somebody might actually see those horrid shots of me in a bathing suit on vacation.

I’d dress more fashionably, but then my daughter would have one less thing to criticize.

I’d stop sounding like my mother, but my kids need a script for when they become parents.

I’d show my kids less affection, but how then would they understand the cliché “A face only a mother could love”?

I’d be a better mom, but then TV sitcoms and dramas would be so boring.

I’d love my kids a little bit less, but they’d never learn about love beyond reason.