Loosening My Grip....For Everyone's Sake

I’m about to do something pretty scary this week. No, I’m not going to clean out the refrigerator, but perhaps that should go on next week’s list. Actually, the scary thing is that my husband and I are going away, alone, for 6 days. First, let me say that it’s not scary because I’m going away with my husband. We’ve been married for 22 years and although he may feel differently sometimes, we generally enjoy each other’s company. What’s scary about this trip is that I’m relinquishing control of my daughter and my home to somebody else. Yikes, just the thought of it gives me goosebumps!

Now, if you’re a parent, especially those of you with young children, this sounds like heaven on earth and you’re wondering why this would cause me even a moment’s hesitation. Time alone? Without kids? It could only get better if there were chocolate involved and, actually, I’m sure I’ll find some during this trip...I always do.

This is an annual trip for us thanks to my husband’s hard work and the generosity of his employer. The location changes every year, but the timing is just about the same. And every year, one of my dearest friends in the whole world, Jennifer, comes and stays at our house and supervises and chauffeurs and cooks and hangs out with my kids who absolutely adore her. She must think it’s OK because she comes back every year. Either that or the grocery shopping that I do is just too good to pass up. In any case, she gives up a week of her life and steps into mine, which, in my opinion is a Herculean effort. It’s not that my life is so difficult to do. Trust me, it’s not brain surgery. But everybody has their routines and their ways of doing things and their schedules and I think it’s pretty tough to go to somebody else’s house and keep things running smoothly. And Jennifer does, which is amazing to me. But this is where this whole scenario gets tricky for me.

You see, I’m a homemaker. You can dress it up and call it a domestic engineer or something else, but my day to day responsibilities are home and family. I’ve been home full-time for over 5 years and I won’t say I’ve got this down to a science, but I definitely have my ways of doing things. And going on this trip, which is truly a blessing, requires me to let go and....let Jennifer. It means that I have to understand that most things won’t get done the way that I do them. And that’s OK. But, I gotta be honest, it’s a little hard for me. I try to make it easier by typing up elaborate schedules and placing Post-It Notes strategically throughout the house, but really, even I know that it’s a little unreasonable to think that anybody will give a rip that there is plenty of extra toilet paper in every bathroom and that the dog’s hairbrush is kept in the laundry room above the dryer. If they need these things, they’ll find them. And if they don’t, well, no one will really be harmed in any way.

This year it will just be Jennifer and our 14-year old daughter, which really makes it a little easier. Still, 14 year-olds have crazy sports and social schedules and heaven forbid we mess up the social life! So, I’ve put together a schedule that would impress even a Today Show producer and formed a Parent Support Team ready to jump in and answer questions, offer a ride or be willing to explain to Jennifer why my daughter will need at least 2 hours to get ready for the Freshman Welcome Dance this Friday.

The good part of this is that we get a break from our daughter and, more importantly, she gets a break from us, and in the process, Jennifer becomes part of our family and gets a front row seat to our life. Of course she’ll do things differently and this is exactly what will make our daughter the happiest and what makes this week work every year. We all gain an appreciation for each other in ways that we can’t even imagine. And even a control freak like me can see that this is worth more than anything in the world.