Family Travel = Family Trouble

Editor's note: Lest people think that I really am this crabby all the time (I'm not) and that I actually say something out loud in these situations (I wouldn't. I'm passive-aggressive), I just want to go on record and say that I do love kids. I have three of them and I'm in favor of other people having more. Oh yeah and also, despite the tone of this post, we had a GREAT time in NYC.

We just returned from a vacation in New York City. Yes, I know, that's sort of an oxymoron, but it's our kind of trip, so I'll leave it at that.

While there, something struck me again and again. Something besides strollers in the ankles, which, as you know, I am not fond of. What really made an impression on me was the fact that families on vacation are pretty damn annoying. Seriously. And yes, we were technically a family on vacation - my husband, my 14 year old daughter and I - but we're gifted in the way that we don't annoy anyone except ourselves, which is a long post all on its own.

We stayed smack dab in the middle of Times Square, one of the busiest places on earth. Although our hotel was terrifically convenient, it required us to swim our way through kazillions of people just to get to the front door. There were people of every race, creed, nationality, age and size. And although some of our irritation was caused by tourists in general (stopping in the middle of crowded intersections to take photos,) families were our biggest hurdle.

A case in point: Why is it that when families travel together, they feel the need to walk four or five abreast? This is a great idea when you are in the middle of a field in Kansas or perhaps the Salt Flats in Utah, but when you are walking down Broadway in Manhattan, it means that everyone else on the sidewalk has to move aside in order to get by. It’s as if they’re afraid that they’ll lose their molecular structure if they don’t walk side by side. How about a couple people in front and a couple behind? Why is it that they get more space than everyone else? It’s because they TAKE it!

When families travel, they also suddenly feel the rotation of the earth revolve around them, their needs and their problems. If something is amiss, we all must stop until it is resolved. One day, we were going to the elevator in our hotel. The family of four in front of us suddenly stopped because one of the daughters had something in her eye. They stopped, four wide, in front of the elevator as the door stood open. We could not get on the elevator without squeezing behind them because they were not moving until the eyelash was removed from little Suzy’s eyeball.

I do understand that sometimes group dynamics dictate that when there is a large family, they will take up more space than, say, the three of us did. Fine. But then when you stop to look at the map, argue about where to eat, or whine about where you are going, then move off to the side of wherever you are. It’s really not that difficult and yes, trying is enough.

I can’t help but address the issue of strollers again. Strollers are the greatest invention since high chairs. They allow families to walk great distances without tiring out the tiny kiddies’ feet. However, there are some places that are not appropriate for strollers. These places include: Crowded city streets where people are walking with cigarettes and the children are eye level with thousands of dirty hands; Teeny-tiny stores with narrow aisles and many people; Restaurants where tables are crammed together closely and it’s difficult for people to walk by. I could go on, but people just don’t get it. If you’re going somewhere that is packed with humanity, leave the stroller and/or the kid behind!

Why is it that when families go to movies or shows together, they feel that the “whisper rule” does not apply to them? Just because it’s a matinee doesn’t mean that we should have to listen to the kids fight and the mom discipline them. Perhaps they’re not bothered by missing the dialogue in the movie/play/musical/performance in order to hear the questions uttered by their children that are obviously way too young to be there, but we are. In my opinion, if your child can’t sit still for more than 20 minutes, then perhaps a babysitter and a rented DVD might be a better investment for your entertainment dollar.

And this wouldn’t really be a discussion of families on vacation if I didn’t bring up the crying child syndrome. Look, we’ve all been there. Kids decide to melt down in the most inconvenient places. It’s a bit embarrassing, but everybody understands...unless you decide not to step outside the inconvenient place thereby forcing all of us to now deal with your screaming child. Unless you are on a roller coaster or stuck on a 12-hour bus ride, you can ALWAYS leave or step outside to let junior meltdown and pull himself together. And yes, you will miss part of the movie/play/musical/performance. That is the price you pay for having children. Pay it and do not ask others to do so with you.

I know, I sound rather...intolerant. And, yes, I guess I am. But in some ways, I feel I’ve earned the right to be. I’ve vacationed with my kids since they were tiny, so I’ve been in all of these scenarios and I swear that any conflicts can be avoided with a liberal use of common courtesy and the words: “Excuse me.” I’ve ducked out of movies and performances and stood outside of church services and hung around the lobbies and hallways of many fantastic tourist destinations all in an attempt to let others without children enjoy the venue. I tried my best and now it’s my turn to stay inside. Now, if you’ll just move that stroller so that I can walk over and look at Monet’s “Water Lillies.”