In the Words of Gomer Pyle: Surprise! Surprise! Surprise!

What is your most surprising discovery about motherhood? This question was posed to me recently and it got me thinking. Actually, it first made me ask in response: What isn’t surprising about motherhood? This journey we’re on begins the moment that we fall madly in love with these tiny beings that have been kicking around inside of us or someone else. In what other scenario, would you instantly be willing to give your life for someone you just met? We’re thrust into this overwhelming relationship and no matter how well-prepared we are, it’s just one bag of surprises after another.

We live in an age of information-overload. When I was pregnant the first time, my mother said to me: “I wouldn’t want to have babies today. There’s too much to worry about.” I instantly understood what she went. She came from an era of benign neglect where carts filled with beer were wheeled into the maternity ward to help stimulate your milk. Many of our mothers smoked and drank while pregnant and although we wouldn’t dream of doing the same, we’re here and living to tell about it.

Today we know “What to Expect When You’re Expecting” and “What to Expect The First Year” but we definitely don’t know “What to Expect When It’s Two in the Morning and My Kid’s Problem is Not Listed in the Glossary of the Parenting Book.” Face it, most of life’s nagging questions can’t be answered by Dr. Spock, Dr. Phil or Dr. Brazelton. Even after all of the training, classes, books, magazines, TV shows and advice from your mother, you’re still, for the most part, jumping without a net. And that, in and of itself, is surprising - the idea that generally clueless, albeit intelligent, women are held responsible for a human life. I still remember bringing my newborn son home from the hospital. My husband, my mom and I brought him in the house, placed him lovingly in his crib and all stood around and watched him sleep. In my mind, I was screaming: “What the hell am I supposed to do when he wakes up?!” Somehow, I managed, but not without a few mishaps along the way. Basically, I subscribed to the notion that I’d make it up as I went along. Whoa.

Another surprising discovery about motherhood is, to borrow a poker term, that I’m still in...all in. After nearly 20 years of diapers, drama, ear infections, pediatricians, time-outs, temper tantrums, sleep deprivation, teen attitude, adolescent angst, puberty, curfews, teething, 2:00 am feedings, colic, influenza, chicken pox, carpools, teacher conferences, piano recitals, driving lessons, prom and college care packages, I’m still hanging around. And to answer your next question, yes, I did think about running away or throwing in the towel many times. But for every daunting challenge, there was a hug, a giggle or a look of pure joy that imprinted itself upon me forever. I was a whipped puppy the minute these kids popped out. Don’t let them know that I’m such a pushover.

What might be most surprising is that even after all of the ups and downs, I’m actually looking forward to going through it all again when my kids have their own children. I guess I think of motherhood like a race. It’s not a sprint, it’s a marathon that you can train years for and still not be completely ready. Sometimes feels like it never ends and, of course, you never really want it to. But don’t tell my kids that either or they’ll never move out!