Random Crabby Momblings

Yesterday I was at a public pool/waterpark. There was a young mother, quite pregnant, there with a 2-year old child. At one point, the mother made a cell phone call and stayed on the phone for at least 25 minutes while her daughter tried to get her attention. The child was a saint and was simply asking to swim. Would I have been out of line if I had "accidentally" splashed this woman and her phone for the sake of her daughter?

My friend told me about a sort of syndrome that occurs to kids the summer before they go to college. She's coined the phrase "PIB" which stands for pain-in-the-butt. Basically, These kids are hovering around the house before they leave for college, basically bugging the hell out of us moms. My fairly-good-natured son has suddenly become the spaciest child on earth who can't remember simple instructions given just moments ago. Is this God's way of preparing mother and child for the inevitable parting?

I also have an almost-8th grade daughter. She's chosen this week to not only be rude, irritable and lazy, but also request that I chauffer her around town. Would it be a bad idea if I offered her to the cell phone mom as a babysitter this summer?

Our elementary school has a fairly well-organized drop-off procedure in the morning. The guidelines are clear: If you have to get out of your car to help your kid, then park. If you don't, stop the car in the drop-off lane, let them get out and pull away. Why can't parents do this? Why must some mothers and fathers help little Poopsie put on her backpack, give her a big kiss and then discuss what they'll have for dinner? Would it be too much if we added a paintball sniper to gently remind these parents to pick up the pace?

Why is it that the cost of a summer camp is directly proportionate to the amount of paperwork that is required? Why have all the lawyers ruined our summers too? Can't we pay extra to have no paperwork at all?

Will there ever come a day when my 13-year old daughter won't roll her eyes at me? Does she think that I don't see that or that I like it?

What the heck did my mom do all summer long without the internet or cable television?

As my kids get older, more stubborn and harder to motivate, I see that I lower my so-called standards in order to meet with the least resistance. Will there come a day when my standards will be so low that I'll stop showering, sit on the couch, flip on the TV, pop open a beer and say "F*&% it. Nobody cares anyway, why should I?"