Motherhood, insanity and everyday life.

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

Age Old Questions

I have some questions for my mom. Frankly, I'm not sure if I really want to know the answers but I'll get them out in the open anyway. For instance, was I a slob? I mean, I know I was, but did she get all stressed out when she walked in my bedroom? Did I EVER help out around the house? Did I leave my things laying everywhere with no regard to who would pick them up?

Did I whine incessantly when things just didn't go my way? When my brother slugged me, did she think that it was high time that somebody knocked some sense into me? Was I a drama queen and was I always looking for reasons to stay home sick? Could she tell how much I craved attention and how badly I tried to get it?

Did I ever wear things that made her think to herself: "I should really tell her that the bright green bellbottoms do NOT go with the plaid halter top. And for that matter, she shouldn't wear a halter"? Did I try and do things with my hair that made her glance at me pitifully as if to tell me it was a lost cause?

Did she know when I hung around with creepy people or when I temporarily abandoned my real friends to find someone cooler? Did she ever wonder if anyone would ever want to marry me and put up with me for the rest of their life?

Did she know how badly it hurt when my heart was broken by a boy who was all wrong for me but who I was head over heels in love with? Could she sense how awkward and fat I felt next to my best friend who was 5' 6" tall and only weighed 100 pounds? Did she realize that I never felt as smart as my friends or know how hard I worked to hide that? Did she know that I sometimes felt like I wasn't good at anything?

Could she see through my dorkiness to know that I'd turn out OK? Did it seem, when I was a teen, that I had any redeeming characteristics? Did I annoy her as much as I annoyed myself?

Did she know how happy I felt when I finally figured out my place in life and knew that I was OK?

I have teens and much like the "empath" in the only Star Trek episode I've ever seen, I sometimes feel their pain, their hurt, their pride. Often, I want to jump in and take a bullet for them or jump up and down when it all finally works. Yes, I still have all of those questions and more, but I think I already know the answers. They come eventually with the wisdom of motherhood.


Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home