Damaged Goods

I'm reading a book that says, among many things, that parents damage their children. Some more than others. Geez, if that isn't the most upbeat thought I've encountered in a while - wahoo. My kids tell me that every day - sometimes directly, sometimes indirectly. I personally think it's a cop-out to blame your parents for virtually anything in your life, except where abuse and neglect are present. So here I sit, thinking that I don't force my kids to do enough chores and then this book tells me that I'm damaging them. I think it's the opposite. I think we parents coddle our kids too much. Primarily out of laziness. I'm afraid to yell at my kids because they'll hate me. Yet, I walk into their bedrooms, which look worse than Baghdad, and I think horrible, violent thoughts that involve opening the window and throwing everything through it...including the child, if he/she were present. Parenting is such a swing of emotions. One minute you're practically in tears from loving them so much. The next minute, you really don't think that college could come soon enough. You've helped create these beings, why don't they obey you?

I just saw a preview of the movie "I Robot" with Will Smith. It takes place in the future where robots are often utilized and 'live' among humans. Will Smith finds that there's a bad circuit or something making the robots do bad things. Hello!...Deja vu - where have I seen this before? Oh yeah, it's called PARENTHOOD. Here's how it works: You find someone you love and you have children with them. Then you very carefully consult every stupid parenting self-help book. You take some of that advice and mix it with the good stuff that your parents did and...voila! You have your child. Until one day, one of the circuits malfunctions and they (fill in blank here with something like "talk back to you," "tell you that they hate you," etc.) What happened to my perfect child? What did I do wrong? When did I teach them how to cop an attitude? I want my money back!!!!!

If parents damage kids, then I think the opposite is true as well. Kids do a number on us too. They pick the moment when we're weak and vulnerable and they move in for the kill. They leave us quaking in our boots and shaking our heads. It's moments like these when I turn to my husband and say: "Must be from your side of the family."