Be Careful What You Ask For

What is it about parenting? You work with your kids really hard on something. You expend blood, sweat, cash and perhaps some tears. They finally achieve that goal and what do you do? You worry. You cry. You sort of wish you could have them back the way they used to be.

My teenage daughter and her friends are all in various stages of preparing for or getting their driver’s licenses. When I’m not doing the white knuckle ride in the passenger seat of the vehicle formerly known as mine, I’m listening to my daughter dream about the day she gets her license.

For me, this is rather bittersweet. On the one hand, I’m anxious to be relieved of chauffeur duty. The last-minute schedule changes and the weekends that are hijacked by high school parties in subdivisions near and far are starting to drive me a little batty. I look forward the day when my husband and I can do what we want when we want.

But it’s not that easy.

I’m certain that the day that my daughter gets her license will be a joyful celebration. I’m also certain that on that same day, when she backs out of the driveway alone for the first time, my mind will be with her and not cavalierly booking theatre tickets or planning weekends at B&Bs.

That day will begin the days of endless worry. When sirens that pass by our house are no longer just aural annoyances but further reasons for concern until she walks back safely in the front door. I went through this once with our son and it’s not really fun. It just is what it is.

I felt the same way about our son going to college. Together we worked hard at the college selection process. Sure, he did the actual work, but we were right there with him, giving encouragement and saying a few extra prayers that he’d end up at the right school. And then when he did, I couldn’t help but feel sad that I couldn’t just tuck him in his bed and keep him safe at home.

It’s what we parents do. We raise them to leave us. The irony is that we never really leave them. Damn.