It's Not Rocket Science but Some Days It Feels Like It

The cruel truth about any job is that nearly everything, whether it's a passion, a calling or just a way to earn cash, at one time or another becomes something that you dread. Even the most gifted surgeons wake up some days and think: "Damn, I've got two hernias and a bowel obstruction. It's going to be a long day." Writers growl at looming deadlines, chefs get bored with menus. At some point, even the coolest jobs lose their attractiveness and then other jobs start to look more interesting.

Because I used to work full-time, I try to think of stay-at-home motherhood as a job. The problem is that I take it so damn seriously. Too much so on some days. It's not as if I'm reading professional journals on the subject (although wouldn't Good Housekeeping qualify?) but I do try every day to do it just a little bit better. Don't gag, but I think about what I'm cooking, how I'm cleaning and how well I'm managing the household. I have to admit to even trying to create warm memories that my kids will rekindle long after I'm gone.

But the truth about stay-at-home parenthood is that it's fraught with missteps, poor calculations and unexpected obstacles nearly every day. Dinner is rarely impressive to anyone but the dog. Clean clothes and shiny sinks aren't great accomplishments, they're just overlooked and expected. Filling out permission slips and writing checks isn't a fulfilling task but the means to an end. Plan a fun outing on a day off of school and you haven't put together an exciting day, you've merely screwed up the social schedule of a typical 13-year old. On a daily basis, it can be a losing proposition. And yet, a well-timed hug can make it all worthwhile.

On the other hand, the stay-at-home part of parenthood is fairly quantifiable, if not totally mundane and thankless. The parenting part is the tricky end of the equation. Here's a job that lasts approximately 18 years, give or take a few, that if you screw up, could send an entire family to therapy. Books and movies have been created on the subject - both comedy and drama. This is a serious business folks, which is why I don't take it lightly.

Sometimes the concept of my parental influence is simply overwhelming to me. Usually that's how it feels after I make an innocent comment during the day and it comes back to bite me during dinner conversation, something like: "You hate me, don't you?" I think of myself as a fairly sensitive person, but I know that I've said things to my kids that have hurt their feelings or have been totally misinterpreted. Crazy as it sounds, it sometimes feels like I parent the best when I'm trying the least.

What makes parenting so incredibly challenging is that just when you think you've got it all figured out - advising, disciplining, consoling, encouraging - another kid comes along who responds completely differently, if at all, to your finely mastered parenting skills. One day you blink and everything's changed and you have to figure it out all over again. It's like the definition of insanity: Doing the same thing over and over again even after it no longer works.

Still, we keep trying even when we look incredibly stupid or just plain lost. I often make the mistake of comparing myself to other moms until I figure out how useless that exercise is. There will always be moms that are more creative, more patient and more effective than I am or ever will be.

Eventually, we all come out on the other side filled with stories, a few regrets and a whole bunch of wisdom. That's more than you can say for most jobs.