Momhood

Motherhood, insanity and everyday life.

Friday, September 23, 2005

Poor Sport

You know, I was pretty proud of myself last week. I not only cleaned my 13-year old daughter's bedroom (a.k.a. The Black Hole) but I also made a dent in cleaning out my own closet and finally parting with many of the clothes that will never fit me. I was also happy that my faithful dog and I had managed to walk a few miles this week, despite the unseasonal heat and humidity. I was just reaching around to pat myself on the back when I found out about Molly Shattuck. If you haven't heard about her, just wait. Your husband will probably introduce you.

Here's a brief bio: She's a Baltimore Ravens Cheerleader, she's blonde, she's beautiful, she's got a body that won't quit, and, oh yeah, she's 38 and has 3 kids under the age of 6. And, if that isn't good enough, she has run a marathon, is learning to play piano, tap-dances and sews. She had 250 people over for dinner last week and did the flower arrangements herself.

Finally, someone to hate now that Martha Stewart has done her time.

Upon Molly successfully making the Ravens' cheerleading squad, her husband commented: "Suddenly, I wake up and I'm married to an NFL cheerleader! How good is that?"

About which I will tell my husband: "Yeah, in your dreams buddy. Right after the marital property settlement."

But wait, don't throw in the towel just yet. There's another side to Molly Shattuck that has taken a back seat to her accomplishments. She's married to Mayo Shattuck, one of the wealthiest men in Baltimore and....she has a 30-hour-a-week babysitter. That's right, Molly Shattuck is a privately-funded, one-woman mid-life crisis avoidance project. Thanks to Mayo and his fat paycheck, Molly has the time and resources to make the rest of us look like underachieving slobs.

Now I don't wish Molly any harm. It's just that here in the trenches of THE REAL WORLD, life just isn't quite that glamorous. For every Molly, there are ten women who are out-of-shape, tired and without a babysitter for 2 hours, let alone 30. You see, Molly's story doesn't empower us, it depresses us. It doesn't inspire us, it's a reminder that no matter how many closets we clean, there will always be someone doing it better, faster and looking cuter while they're doing it.

Those of us who have a few years on Molly know the truth. This fairy tale ain't gonna last. Sooner or later the abs will become a 12-pack, the boobs will begin to sag, the roots will start to grow out and Mayo might start looking around for a cheerleader with a few less miles.

I wish Molly the best but hope for one thing: When she's in a kickline and pulls a hammie, I'll be in my kitchen pulling a ham out of my oven watching it on TV.

17 Comments:

At 8:46 AM , Blogger warcrygirl said...

Oh, the things I could get done with a 30-hour a week babysitter! Aren't those called 'nannies'? Anyway, found you via Michele. Have a great weekend!

 
At 9:10 AM , Blogger Indigo said...

Hello from West Allis, well, technically I'm in Germantown right now, but whatever. ;-)

Michele sent me! I haven't heard of this Molly girl before.

 
At 9:30 AM , Blogger Shannon said...

oh, you had me until the 30hour babysitter...

 
At 9:31 AM , Blogger Shannon said...

ps michele sent me

 
At 7:44 PM , Anonymous catherine ryan said...

As a Ravens native, I've already read about Molly in the local newspaper. Yeah, her life isn't reality. She probably has personal trainers, spends most of her day at the gym. She probably had a boob job too. And maybe abdominal scultping, which is liposuction on skinny people to make their abs show off a six pack.
Thanks for commenting and thinking about my family during my son's surgery. We were definitely feeling the good karma.

 
At 8:41 AM , Blogger Bec of the Ladies Lounge said...

Hi Karen,
Oh I so love your take on bitter and twisted. Would you please, please let us at Glamorouse know when Mrs Subsidised Crisis pulls her hammie? We hope it shows up on cable so we can watch it in Australia and raise our glasses to another shattered delusion!

 
At 6:14 PM , Anonymous chatty said...

You say 38 like it's old (says the 39 year old). But I guess if I lived in lala land like Ms. 2-4-6-8 it would be. Michele sent me and I am glad. I like how you think! :)

 
At 6:16 PM , Blogger dena said...

I just got done cleaning the greasy stove off, after fixing my husband the country fried steak, mashed potatoes and corn on the cob he requested.

Luckily, I have a few minutes to kill before my persoanl trainer, and chef get here.

 
At 3:05 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I used to be very close friends with Molly - back when she was only dating Mayo. Well, let me correct myself - back when Mayo was married to another woman, and Molly was his 'assistant' AND his mistress. Good luck for her - he left his wife eventually. When she got married, I had to work to maintain the friendship. I went to her bridal shower - yet didn't get invited to the wedding. I also went to her baby shower (for the first one) - and saw her (and spencer) once after giving birth. I've sent Chirstmas Cards, made phone calls, etc. But only for a short time after she got married. She never sent a card back - it took her months to return phone calls. Long story short - I guess with her new life she couldn't keep up with those of us 'less fortunate'. Her excuses were, 'I'm so busy trying to decorate the house' and other ridiculous shit. I've been to the house. She doesn't spend 'hours at the gym', she spends hours at home....in her private gym.....just off of the pool and guest house. she lives an advantaged life. Am I jealous? Not so much - I suppose I do at times wish to be her.....but i'd rather have my honest relationship and true friends that have been with me forever.....then her not-so-fortunate-beginning with Mayo and her friends that she CHOSE after she married the multi-millionaire. At least I know my husband, my friends, and my life is REAL. PS: her boobs aren't.

 
At 10:50 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am thankful for the first Anonymous. Some people just don't get it. When you start off being a kept woman your job is to do what you want with your life! It's not like she is out making money and giving it back or even trying to live her life like a normal mom. All this recognition because she is a beautiful woman that acquired her money through hard blinking and dim-wittedness. It doesn't take a genius to land a wealthy man it takes a genius to make her own way and raise her children minus the nanny and maid! Ah, and toting around fake breasts really hard work! I'm sick of it! Recognize a teacher or a volunteer!

 
At 8:17 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

From Another Anonymous -- Like the first Anonymous, I was a friend of Molly in a past life and understand what was written about Molly moving on and leaving people behind. I don't think it's ever intentional; it's just the reality in Molly's own world to go for the next big thing. I can imaging her very sweetly playing house like a little girl without the reality that some of it is fabricated compared to our "real" lives. She is someone that was (is?) easily to get to like even if you never got close -- which makes her the perfect cheerleader because she can make people feel great for a short time. Unfortunately, I've been obsessed with following the story and found this blog through google. Anonymous I, thanks for filling in the less glamorous details that the media has avoided. Anonymous II, thanks for your insight and clarity. It is frustrating to see the recognition she gets in comparison to the hard work some other women do for no glory. But overall, yes it's hard not to envy a life of luxury, but keep on the bright side and try to think about the great things that she might inspire in others. And remember, without the husband and his fame, she's just another mommy with a temporary part-time job on the side.

 
At 9:14 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

You know, usually I flush news like this down the toilet with my morning constitution, however, I just can let this go. I would be singing the praises of Molly if she were a single mother of three with a full time job...but ladies, be real, any woman married to a CEO of a Fortune 500 company could pull this off! Let's see, inserting large bags of gue in your chest area, while sucking large buckets of cellulite from your abs. Looks like old Mollie forgot about the face, I see lots of traffic there honey. I think alittle botox in the forehead may be called for, don't ya think? They forgot to put the screen in front of your face for your Today show debut.

All "not kidding" aside, there are so many amazing women in the city of Baltimore alone, and THIS IS WHAT OUR WOMEN ARE SUPPOSED TO BE! I could find a better role model at the local Walmart. Our society has really gone in this shitter...and I thought the runnaway bride fiasco was bad!

 
At 8:29 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

My husband pointed out that he probaby works 80+ hrs. & travels. Mom is either working-out,at the salon,stadium or traveling with the team. Or arranging dinner parties for 250 people.So - how much time do these 3 babies get with mommy & daddy? Sounds like the Nanny & Maid are raising them.Ladies - you'll never go to your death bed wishing you had been a cheerleader & socialite. But they may go to theirs wishing they had spent more time with their kids.As for any husband that wishes his wife was Molly...well, tell him to give you the life Mayo has given her first, then you can work on being perfect Molly! Let me go clean my toilets & make dinner that I will sit down to with my whole family tonight. Have a Great Day!

 
At 8:57 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

And one more thing! I came across this link:http://www.cbsnews.com/sections/uttm/main3455.shtml What's hilarious is in the search engine her name falls under CBSNews -Breaking World News. This is breaking world news? If only that's all we had to worry about. I laughed my ass off!-well, I wished I did. I love the caption on picture 2 "Molly has her hands full at home with 3 children". Full of what? A dumb bell, hairspray,party invitation? Surely not the toilet brush,dog poop or shitty diaper.Look closely too - they didn't touch up this photo like the professional ones. She's got wrinkles, crows feet & a big nose like the rest of us.I'd like to see her without make-up & the hair dye. C-ya

 
At 5:17 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Final chapter on this Molly cheerleading thing. I've seen in the press that she is done -- been there done that, check it off the list.

 
At 5:30 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

stop hatin

 
At 11:27 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

That's not all that is fake in Molly's world, looks like little miss "check list" has a few she didn't reveal to the "world". Number 54 on the list, finding time to entertain other men--- married at that. She needs so much attention, poor girl. I guess cheering didn't complete her. Maybe another "to do" will satisfy her.

 

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