Motherhood, insanity and everyday life.

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

Ooh, Fun! What Should I Wear?

I just got an "invitation" in the mail. Here's what it says:

Dear Friend, (If you were my friend, you'd know my name.)

Because you were referred to me, (By the person that sold you this mailing list?) I wanted to personally invite you as my guest to attend the nation's #1 Women's Conference. (They couldn't come up with a better title? That's the name of our local Chinese Restaurant.) Featuring some of the Greatest Super Stars all live and in person, including the Duchess of York, Sarah Ferguson.(I thought she gave up that title).....As my special VIP guest, (Who are you?!) I have enclosed 2 complimentary tickets. Other attendees will be paying the full tuition fee of $69. (Bet they won't!)

At this once in a lifetime Women's Conference you will learn how to:
1) Use the 7 keys to build lasting relationships at home and on the job. (I have lasting relationships and I'm trying to get them to go to college and start a life.)
2) Apply the 21 secrets of self-discipline to always look and feel young. (Is this applied before or after mascara?)
3) Be recognized and rewarded for your efforts. (Ooh, ooh, make me employee of the week!)
4) Buy real estate for 31%-48% below market value. (Oh sure, another house to clean.)
5) Rapidly expand your circle of influence. (Does this include the catty flock of women that gossip outside school every day?)
6) Develop opportunities for networking. (Oh, I get it! When the cable goes out, I'll be able to fix it!)
7) Use the top money-making secrets millionaires are using. (Like Trump? You mean have a bad comb-over and marry a European model?)
8) Improve the quality of your life and the lives of your loved ones. (If this doesn't include Sephora, Guitar Center and Casino gift certificates, it's not going to improve anything.)
9) Use the essential principles of highly successful women. (Maybe I'm wrong, but this seems kinda vague...)

Whew! I don't know about you, but I think this just made my week. To think that they're giving away the 7 keys AND the 21 secrets all in one free conference. Plus, an audience with Fergy to boot! Be still my heart....I think they have the wrong address. I am not a Martha Stewart or Sarah Ferguson wanna-be. I'm quite happy, thank you. I think I'll just stay at home and apply my own secrets and keys.


At 11:44 AM , Anonymous lisa said...

Maybe for the queen mum, 10 keys and 25 secrets ... nah!

Michele sent me

At 11:48 AM , Blogger Tammy said...

I'll stay home too, lol. :)

Michele sent me!

At 6:10 AM , Blogger yellojkt said...

michele sent me. Who came up with the subliminally phony price of $69? I guarantee you that want to fleece you for a lot more than that. Stay home and watch infomercials instead.

At 9:50 AM , Anonymous Last Girl On Earth said...

I don't know. If you aren't using those tickets, maybe you could pass them on to me! I would love to find out the answers to some secrets AND eat some good chinese food!

Michele sent me! Have a great weekend. Come over and visit if you get a chance!

At 9:39 AM , Blogger Janet said...

Hi, Michele sent me, and thanks for the laugh!

At 5:04 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I got one too, but mine says the normal tuition fee is $149!


At 8:41 AM , Blogger Oreo said...

HAHAHA I got the exact same thing in the mail about 2 weeks ago. I mean, my MOM got that in the...never mind :)


Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home