Motherhood, insanity and everyday life.

Tuesday, January 11, 2005

Mrs. Murphy's Laws

It is a much-overlooked fact that as mothers, we are in a war with fate. Much as we try and control the world and our children, it ain't going to work. And just to prove it, fate, or perhaps God, likes to remind us that we are not in charge. We are merely pawns in this giant chess game called motherhood. Here's how it works: Shit happens at the most inopportune times. For example:
The day that you finally sort through the three-foot stack of magazines and send most of it to the recycling bin is one day before your daughter is assigned a project that involves clipping out magazine photos of current events.

The day you decide to drive your children to school in sweats, glasses, unbrushed teeth and really bad hair is the day that the really cute dad is helping out the new traffic cadets and greeting parents...personally.

The day that you have given yourself a vacation from picking up the crap that your family leaves everywhere is the day that the nice neighbor down the street actually takes you up on your offer to "stop by anytime."

The day for which you finally schedule an appointment for your acne-ridden child with the most coveted dermatologist in the area (appointments are scheduled 6 months out) will be the day that he/she is invited to the most awesome sleepover/party of the year...starting at that exact same time.

On the day that the cuisine gods finally get together and help you prepare the most kick-ass dinner ever will be the day that your husband works late, your child has to do a group project and your other child will decide to be a vegetarian.

That one day when you actually have a great hair day and you fit in those snug jeans and look really great will be the day when your child is home sick from school and you don't get to see another human being until your husband comes home looking for a great kick-ass dinner that you didn't have time to prepare because you couldn't leave the house.

Your high school senior will finally find the school that he really wants to apply to, 24 hours before their application deadline. Part of the application will be writing 5 essays and he will have 4 exams the next day.

The child who is the brightest is most likely to underperform and rarely realize his potential. Conversely, the one who has made you spend sleepless nights just might be paying off your mortgage someday.

At the very moment that you are ready to throw in the maternal towel and give up all hope of enjoying motherhood, one of your offspring will blow your mind and give you a hug for no reason at all.

Somtimes, fate is on your side.


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