Motherhood, insanity and everyday life.

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

The Diary of a Teenage Girl’s Clueless Mother

Dear Diary:
Today I was reminded, once again, just how clueless I am. M and I were at Victoria’s Secret to redeem the coupon we had for a “Free Pink Cami.” M grabbed a “Red Cami” from the rack. I gently reminded her that our coupon was for a “Pink Cami.” Much eye rolling and tsking ensued. Silly me. Pink is a brand, not a color. When will I learn?

Dear Diary:
Did you feel it? The shaking, I mean. Seriously, didn’t the earth move? M was in a good mood today. No, scratch that. I mean a GREAT mood that included complete sentences and actual conversation. And, be still my heart, I actually got a smile this morning. I feel like I could walk on air. Maybe we’re past that moody phase after all!

Dear Diary:
Never mind.

Dear Diary:
Today I wanted to curl my hair. My curling iron was in M’s bathroom. After I retrieved it and curled my hair, I went to use my hair spray. What a coincidence. It too was in M’s bathroom along with my eye shadow, my fingernail clippers and my tweezers. If anyone is still looking for Jimmy Hoffa, I have a suspicion where he might be.

Dear Diary:
I’m confused. It’s been pointed out to me many times that I know very little about fashion. Yet, I’m constantly finding pieces of my clothing on M’s floor. I wonder how that happens. Could it be that the dog is dragging them in there?

Dear Diary:
Today I spent an inordinate amount of time smelling the laundry. Not because I’m sick or kinky, but because much of the clothing that is in the laundry isn’t really dirty. It’s simply been tried on and thrown on the floor. Gosh this job is rewarding.

Dear Diary:
Yesterday I had cash in my wallet. Today I have none. On a typical day, I spend zero cash, do laundry (see above), eat leftovers and read month-old magazines. On M’s typical day off, she eats out with friends, goes to see the newest movies and buys hardcover books at Barnes & Noble. Where have I gone wrong?


At 2:51 PM , Anonymous Cathy said...

Have you been spying on my daughter and I?

At 2:59 PM , Blogger kenju said...

Sounds typical to me, and you haven't gone wrong at all - she has - but I predict it will change (hope it comes sooner rather than later).

At 4:00 PM , Anonymous Anne Glamore said...

If it makes you feel better, I think my boys are "cleaning up their rooms" by putting shirts that fell off the hangers into the hamper. With boys you can really smell the difference in a clean shirt and a dirty one.

This was too funny!!

At 9:27 AM , Anonymous jolie said...

Oh wow! How true all of this is. The same is true for boys as well. I realized I was washing clean clothes when I started finding dryer sheets in the washing machine.

At 12:26 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Diary:
Today I found my soulmate. Her name is Karen, she lives in Wisconsin, and she is living my life. How cool is that?

Hee hee! Visiting from Michele's!!!

At 1:18 PM , Anonymous Daisyhead said...

Here via Michelle's. I see I have so much to look forward to. My son is only 3 1/2 and I am so dreading the pre-teen and teen years. Calgon, pour me a glass of wine, bring on the Swedish pool boy and take me away!!

At 3:01 PM , Blogger mar said...

This is soooo true, and it applies to boys too. I go around smelling clothes, too, lol! You are wonderful! you make me feel I am not that weird after all! just a mom.

At 3:32 PM , Blogger Paige said...

Oh my you are creating a high maintance young lady. Which means you will end up with a very rich son-in-law, cause it will take one with lots of money to win her.

Michele sends her hellos and I send greetings for a happy weekend!

At 4:23 PM , Blogger utenzi said...

I don't have kids. My Mom is frequently hinting that I should. She tells me that it's the most rewarding experience you can have--then usually she breaks into horror stories of my brother and I--you'd think she'd realize she was undercutting her point. LOL

If my mother is right, Karen, then it's all worth it. Good luck fighting your battles with M. It sounds like you've got her on the ropes! LOL

Michele sent me!

At 5:40 PM , Blogger Dak-Ind said...

hahaha! i love the diary format!

i have sons... one teenage and one toddler, so i dont lose clothes, i lose coats, keys, and shoes. my older boy wears my flip flops, the younger one carts the keys off to his room because they make fun noises... then the older one grabs my starter jacket on the way out the door because his coat has vanished and/or been eatten by the locker monster.
so, here i sit, cold, shoeless and unable to find my car keys...
michele sent me

At 6:29 PM , Blogger barbie2be said...

i love the VS "pink" line... it's too bad that they are sized for 12 year olds. :(

michele sent me.

At 9:18 PM , Blogger Carmi said...

Uh oh. Our daughter's nine. I see dark shadows on our parental horizon.

Then again, I think I behaved similarly when I was growing up - minus the pink cami, or course - and we all worked out OK.

At least I didn't grow up to be a mass murderer, and I didn't kill my parents in the process.

Gave 'em some gray hair, mind you...

At 9:39 PM , Blogger ~Cathy~ said...

I've got two daughters, ages 5 and 3 (and an infant son)... I imagine I'll be living the life you live in a few years! LOL Thanks for giving me a glimpse into the future! ;) (although, some of the stuff I'm already experiencing!)

Michele sent me!

At 1:04 AM , Blogger Swishy said...

What a great post. Good luck over there :)

At 6:44 AM , Blogger kenju said...

I am so glad Michele sent me back. It is great to know that Carmi didn't wear any Pink cammies!!

At 6:45 AM , Blogger Bob-kat said...

Hi. Great post. Sounds like the laments of some of my friends. One recently took his daughter Xmas shopping. He said he ended up with an empty wallet but he felt that at least he had bought soem presents that eh knew his daughter would like as she helped to pick them. Wrong! He should have known better. apparently they don't count as she has already seen them so she might as well haev them now! LOL! Sometimes I'm glad I just have a cat :-)

Thanks for visiting my blog adn for your kind comment. I'll be back and will add you to my blogroll if that is OK?

At 2:53 PM , Blogger Juliabohemian said...

as a teen with sever adhd (among other things) I had a very difficult time getting ready to go ANYWHERE. I would try on about 20 things before arriving at something I usually only determined to be marginally acceptable. My suggestion to you is to give your daughter a large bin in which to throw clothing that isn't dirty, but needs to be returned to the bureau or closet. that way you won't be washing things unnecessarily. I used to use a chair to pile things on...or a spare laundry basket.

Also, as sad is it may sound, you should be flattered that your daughter wants to use ANYTHING of yours. My mom has worn old lady perfume since she was in her 20's and I wouldn't touch most of her toiletries. (although I remember using her tweezers) This has nothing to do with her age. This is just because she has never been terribly interested in pampering and makeup and related products. If your daughter is using your stuff, she obviously thinks you have something worth imitating.

At 8:36 PM , Blogger IndyPindy said...

Wow. Sounds like it's never boring!

Here via Michele's.

At 2:48 PM , Blogger Jess Riley said...

Ugh, those teen years--I don't miss them a bit! Hang in there; I hear it gets better. (This is what I tell myself when J and I think about having a child. Already I'm talking myself through the difficult years. Who me? Neurotic? Never!)

At 6:22 PM , Blogger Just a trumpet player said...

Thinking back about my teenage years, it is probably the main reason why I still don't have kids... way too afraid I'll end up with worse than I was !

Hang in there ; you probably only have about 8 more years or so to go... : )

Where should I send that bottle of vodka ?

Michele sent me ; have a great week !

At 2:04 AM , Anonymous Veda said...

HI, here from Michele's. Our kids are definitely the same (mental) age - and clearly, the boy/girl thing is irrelevant. Great post!

At 7:51 AM , Blogger Soj said...

I loved this post. Brilliant! I really loved the Jimmy Hoffa comment. Sounds like my bathroom...but I am not a teenage daughter, nor do I have one.


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