The Diary of a Teenage Girl’s Clueless Mother

Dear Diary:
Today I was reminded, once again, just how clueless I am. M and I were at Victoria’s Secret to redeem the coupon we had for a “Free Pink Cami.” M grabbed a “Red Cami” from the rack. I gently reminded her that our coupon was for a “Pink Cami.” Much eye rolling and tsking ensued. Silly me. Pink is a brand, not a color. When will I learn?

Dear Diary:
Did you feel it? The shaking, I mean. Seriously, didn’t the earth move? M was in a good mood today. No, scratch that. I mean a GREAT mood that included complete sentences and actual conversation. And, be still my heart, I actually got a smile this morning. I feel like I could walk on air. Maybe we’re past that moody phase after all!

Dear Diary:
Never mind.

Dear Diary:
Today I wanted to curl my hair. My curling iron was in M’s bathroom. After I retrieved it and curled my hair, I went to use my hair spray. What a coincidence. It too was in M’s bathroom along with my eye shadow, my fingernail clippers and my tweezers. If anyone is still looking for Jimmy Hoffa, I have a suspicion where he might be.

Dear Diary:
I’m confused. It’s been pointed out to me many times that I know very little about fashion. Yet, I’m constantly finding pieces of my clothing on M’s floor. I wonder how that happens. Could it be that the dog is dragging them in there?

Dear Diary:
Today I spent an inordinate amount of time smelling the laundry. Not because I’m sick or kinky, but because much of the clothing that is in the laundry isn’t really dirty. It’s simply been tried on and thrown on the floor. Gosh this job is rewarding.

Dear Diary:
Yesterday I had cash in my wallet. Today I have none. On a typical day, I spend zero cash, do laundry (see above), eat leftovers and read month-old magazines. On M’s typical day off, she eats out with friends, goes to see the newest movies and buys hardcover books at Barnes & Noble. Where have I gone wrong?