Hold On Loosely

I have reached somewhat of a crossroads in my parenting career. Our nest is practically empty. And, as you may know, I get pretty excited when the college boy returns home, as he did this past weekend. This is year two for our adjustment to having a child in college. We’re better at it. I no longer carry my cell phone around constantly in case he needs to call at any moment. I still worry when he travels the 6 hours to and from school, but I’m letting go…a little.

I’m also not so old that I don’t remember what it was like to be in college. That fierce tug of independence fighting against the nagging obligation of paying due diligence with the parents. One seemed so cool and a bit scary and the other was mildly annoying and sometimes a little rewarding (food, laundry, nice bed.)

Let me add that our son is really good about checking in with us so we don’t worry needlessly. He calls a fair amount and he doesn’t spend too much money. In the child lottery, we did very well.

What stumps me is that I suddenly feel awkward around him because I can tell that he’s much more interested in being almost anywhere else than with us. In fact, it feels, for me, a little like high school when I would make feeble attempts at talking to boys all the while knowing that there was really nothing I could say that would captivate them. It’s as if I’ve completely lost the ability to converse and find myself taking desperate shots at saying something, anything, interesting. In the process, I feel him drifting away and I worry just a little bit that it might be the beginning of the end, so to speak.

And yes, there is a longtime girlfriend of three years that figures into this equation. She probably seems more like family than we do on most days, which is why we try our best to include her in family outings. I want both of them to feel really comfortable around us and perhaps therein lies the problem. I think I’m trying too hard. It’s as if I’m running around saying: “Look at us – we’re FUN!” It’s pathetic, I know. And probably about as appealing as a trip to the dentist.

I need to just relax and let him live a little. I can’t make him want to be around us any more than I can make him clean his dorm room. I just have to trust that it will work out and we’ll get our time with him. And, in the meantime, I do have a high schooler here every day that I can still cling to. Let’s see, what can I do to annoy her today?