Motherhood, insanity and everyday life.

Tuesday, November 16, 2004


Aw, geez, I hate this, this being hated thing. One of the reasons I quit my job was so that I could easily be home if one of my kids got sick and needed to stay home from school. Prior to quitting, it always seemed like one was ill and I used up all sick and vacation time tending to them. Wait, correct that, it was always my daughter that was sick. My son NEVER got sick. Anyway, now I'm home and what am I faced with on a regular basis? A daughter that often wakes up with a sore throat. For a while it was legit. Her tonsils looked lumpy and red or had white spots on them. Still, never a fever, but often a strep diagnosis. Lately, it's waking up with a sore throat and absolutely no visible symptoms. None. A couple of times I caved and took her to the walk-in clinic only to be looked at by the doctor like I was really a chump. He'd do the obligatory quick-strep test only to find it negative and then I'd be embarrassed, and get a long explanation of the various combos of Tylenol and Ibuprofin that I could mix to get maximum pain relief for this so-called sore throat.

This is happening so often that my friends are starting to wonder about me and my daughter. They've never said anything, but I can just tell. Silently, they look at me as if to say: "Ha, I'd never let my kid get away with that!" Yeah, well, I never thought I would either.

So today, my daughter does it again. She wakes up, leans over the balcony (always a bad sign - it either means she's sick or has run out of clean underwear) and says: "Mom, my throat hurts." (To add drama, she injects a sort of croaking sound in her voice.) So I go upstairs, hug her, offer Tylenol and throat drops, look at the throat and declare her fit for school. This is when the hating thing begins. I try to be compassionate yet firm. This is met with indignation, anger and tears. I don't doubt that her throat hurts, but I can't keep her home every time it hurts. Then we'd be home-schooling - not good for either of us.

So I drop her off at school today, offer to bring her Tylenol and she gives me a look that says: "You suck. I hate you and just as soon as I can muster up the nerve, I'm gonna be in that health room making them call you to bring me home. You'll be sorry." So here I am, just waiting for the phone to ring, throwing my day into a downward spiral. Because, as a mom, there is a cardinal rule about school: If they call you, you must come. And if I go, then she will win, or so she thinks. I hate it all - the dilemma, the situation and the being hated thing.

Look, logically I knew that I wouldn't always be loved as a mother. But I guess I never realized that the hating would be as a result of an early-morning judgment call/battle of wills. It exhausts me to the bone and often ruins my day. In fact, sometimes it gives me a sore throat. Maybe I'll call my mom.


At 9:25 AM , Blogger ma said...

Sometimes you have to be a cold hearted bitch to be a mom.

At 4:25 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

As a 15-year-old teenager at the time of writing, I can only imagine how that feels. I guess you just have to learn to take the good with the bad.

At 12:49 PM , Blogger Juwlz said...

Have you talked to her about her daily activities, teachers and social life at school? Sometimes kids/teens and even adults will go to extreme efforts to create a problem just to divert from another. If that is not the case then you need to draw the line between friend and parent. Keep a peaceful manor when the foot plants down, however, be firm... yes, that's all easier said than done. As we all know there is no book on parenting your specific children. When all else fails... try again and again. Letting this continue is only creating more issues within yourself. These issues will reflect in your other relationships, like the way your friends are playing the whisper game. Whatever the case may be, your daughter is yours forever and no one can take that away from you. If she hates you now it won’t last forever. ;) and what will last is her having the upper hand with this issue... what if this one issue becomes another and so forth. There has to be an end.

At 10:43 AM , Blogger Nicole said...

This is a tough situation, and I feel your pain. I dont't think you ever mentioned how old your daughter is?

I did something similar to this when I was a kid. And I remember it was because of some problems that I was having at school with some of the other kids. I would say that I felt to sick to go to school or I would head straight for the nurses office as soon as I got to school. Could it be possible that something is going on that she feels she can't talk about?

At 11:22 AM , Blogger Karen said...

Wow, Nicole. You found an OLD post!! She is now 16 and although she's much better than she used to be, she still is the most likely to miss a day of school. It just seems like every kid is different. I've learned to roll with it, although I don't always like it.


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