Motherhood, insanity and everyday life.

Wednesday, August 10, 2005


Well, I've been afraid of changing 'cause I built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Children get older
I'm getting older too

Someone once told me that one of the 12 steps in AA is to "Let Go and Let God." And although we are, thankfully, not dealing with substance abuse, this advice is oh so relevant as we prepare to take our son to college tomorrow. All around me are poignant moments, happy memories that make my eyes tear up and the realization that we're all taking a huge leap of faith together. Of course, he has the hardest job of all, actually being the new college student and everything that comes with that.

I watch him walk around our house and I know that he's looking at things as if he's never going to see them again. I'm as nervous for him as he is for himself but I'm doing my best not to be maudlin and just pack, dammit, pack.

As hard as this is, I realize two things: First, the idea of this not happening would be way worse than dealing with some teary moments. He gets to go to college and get ready for real life. Many, many kids never get that chance. Secondly, he's not going to war or dying. There are parents all across the nation that are sending their kids off to war and are legitimately scared for their welfare. I have to keep that perspective or lose my mind.

Above all, I have to remember to let him make mistakes, get lonely, miss home, screw up a class, hate his teachers, get annoyed by his roommate and generally grow into an adult as he deals with these situations without our help. And that, my friends, is the deep, dark secret of motherhood - the hardest part of all is letting go. You spend all your life loving and caring for them and they're gone in what seems like the blink of an eye.

For me, this is where faith comes in. Whatever you believe, I think it's gotta help to believe that somebody is watching over them when you can't. Let Go and Let God.


At 8:30 AM , Anonymous Gena said...

So, the day has come. Funny, I think the kids think that they need to be strong, when really it's the adults. There's probably something deep inside him that has to be a bit excited...just a bit.. but doesn't want to show it. Be strong my dear....Thanksgiving is only a few months away.

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At 12:02 PM , Blogger Yseye said...

My Oldest is a senior. This time next year we will be facing this. Just reading your post has tears streaming down my face. I am going to be one huge mess! :) Yvonne (FortyPlus)

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