Motherhood, insanity and everyday life.

Friday, June 06, 2008

The Summer of My Discontent

So, it’s summer time again. And don’t get me wrong, I LOVE me some summer…especially after the winter we had. But I feel like I’m having a really tough time adjusting.

On a positive note, I’ve finally figured out how to keep up with the extra laundry that another body (a.k.a. College Kid) brings. I cannot, for the life of me, figure out how that woman with 17+ children is doing it, but that’s her problem, not mine. (And I just want to ask her: “Have you ever uttered the word NO?” A restraining order might be appropriate. I’m just sayin’.)

But my first challenge is that I’m not much of a cook, so for me to put forth any effort in the kitchen is a big deal. And nothing rains on my Rachael Ray parade faster than College Kid or High School Kid deciding at the last minute to opt out of dinner. I understand that their plans are, how shall we say, fluid? But I have absolutely no idea how to run our house. I feel a combination of guilt and annoyance. I should be cooking memorable semi-home-cooked meals. But it seems like whenever I do, nobody is home. Whenever I don’t, they look at me like the orphans in “Oliver.”

The other thing that I’m struggling with is not just seasonal. It’s the beginning of the end. High School Kid drives herself…everywhere. This is great in so many ways. No longer do I have to haul her to and from lessons, appointments, etc. I’m free to do my own thing….which is very liberating…but again, somewhat guilt-ridden. I feel like I should be there parenting her. She, of course, resists any and all of my attempts to do so.

It’s a slippery slope where I am. I’m drifting between hanging on for dear life and reluctantly letting go. I chide myself for not putting forth an effort but wonder if it would be worth it anyway. And so, I’m reduced to latching onto family dinner opportunities wherever and whenever possible. Sure, I get plenty of time to play tennis and enjoy the warm weather, but not a day goes by without me worrying that I’m going about this all wrong.

I think what I really need is some Prozac with my sunscreen.


At 11:09 PM , Blogger kenju said...

You are simply making a transition into a woman with no kids at home (eventually). I suggest you quit worrying about it and start something new with your life: hobbies, volunteerism, work, writing?

At 5:29 AM , Blogger Star said...

You have raised 2 active, independant, goal oreiented children. Pat yorself on the back! It's true. We raise them to be able to stand on their own two feet, and hen they do, we feel left out.


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