This is your brain on motherhood

What a long, strange trip it's been. Motherhood. The root of all that's good, warm, wonderful, kind....and sometimes scary. I've been a mom for 17-1/2 years. Wow. I can't believe that I've done anything for that long. Actually, I worked at my last job for that long. It was too long and I finally needed to quit after they gently nudged me out the door. Sometimes I feel like my children are kicking me out the door. Let's face it, they often would rather have anyone but me. In my not-so-infinite wisdom I'm always thinking that someday they'll appreciate me. But will they? I'm 43 and I still complain about my mom. I still don't appreciate what she's done for me and perhaps I never will. Sometimes when I'm forcing my daughter to go to sleep (she's 12 - she never wants to sleep unless she should be waking up) I wonder how much she'd miss me if I died suddenly. I know, it's drama queen material, but I've been reading a lot lately and if you read a lot, you know that PEOPLE DIE. It's not like it's a big secret, but it seems to take everyone by surprise. Talk about a spoiler ending! But still, I look at her and picture her sobbing into her pillow as she remembers my chocolate chip cookies, the way I did laundry, my fabulous cooking (OK, now this is a fairy tale) and my wicked sense of humor. I really do have a pretty warped sense of humor which I intend to pass on to my children. I mean, what's the point of bringing them up to be normal? Normal people don't get into People Magazine and isn't that what life is really about? JUST KIDDING. But when I was young, that really was my dream. To open up People Magazine and see a 2-page article on me and how great I am. It would be complete with cute little photos of me and the kids romping in our backyard. Mind you, I've NEVER romped with my children. But it's fun to fantasize. Then the article would have cute little quotes from them like "I love my mom so much, I hope I grow up to be just like her. She's taught me everything I know." Yeah, right. That's likely. In reality, the quote would be: "My mom is driving me insane. WHO CARES if my room isn't picked up? I mean, it's not like she has a job and doesn't have time to pick up after me. Like, what else does she do all day?!" Now, that's more like it. That's the daughter I've grown to love and despise all in the same day! I'm sure the feeling's mutual.